he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
