I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
