You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
