I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
