was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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