She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
