Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Everyone says I win the strip club
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
