just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
