I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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