Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
