Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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