just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
