Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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