id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
