Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
