dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
