After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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