So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
