Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
