If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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