It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
