I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
