who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
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