I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
