yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
