You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
