i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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