i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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