a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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