so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
