He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
