watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize