got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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