well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
