literally had 100 drinks last night.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
