You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
