I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
