why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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