i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
