So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
