Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
