we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
