just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm too high and old for this...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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