Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
