Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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