he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
