Can Purell be used as lube?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
