as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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