I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
