so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
