my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
