whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
