none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
