I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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