I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
